Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Our Story

On June 16th our daughter Brianna committed suicide at the age of 12. This is a troubling story that has to be shared. The morning of the 16th I came in her room like every morning and said good morning and how are you, I saw her beautiful smile and we giggled, 30 minutes later her Daddy was trying to breath life back into her. He got a pulse and the paramedics brought her back. We were at Children’s hospital for 4 days holding, talking and touching our beautiful daughter, we held hope until the very end. On June 18th we got the news we did not want to hear, that our daughter had no brain activity, although she was breathing on her own over the ventilator and her heart was beating on its own, she had already gone, we continued to keep her with us until that Saturday, we wanted friends and family to come say good-bye, she looked so beautiful like she was sleeping. Nurse Beth and I prepared our daughter, I got to wash her hair for the last time and caress my beautiful daughter, and Kayla (her sister) put a little make-up and a bow in her hair and put on her favorite lotion. A little after 8pm the pastor came in and we all gathered by Brianna's bedside, there were so many tears and I could not believe this was happening. We watched as they prepared Brianna to go to the operating room so she would be able to give life to others. My Husband and I walked in the operating room where it was sterile and everything was covered in blue. I could not believe this would be the place where my Husband and I would watch our daughter take her last breath. We sat at her head and touched her face and stroked her hair and told her how much we loved her, I could not see very well as the tears were flowing down my face, as they are now writing this, it was peaceful in the room and we could feel the love and support. We saw the color in her face change from her beautiful soft brown to pale and white, we knew at that moment that she was leaving us. It did not take long and she was finally at peace. We are proud that she was a donor and just the next day we found out she gave her kidneys and liver to two kids in Colorado, we cannot wait to meet them. Someone will also be able to have her beautiful skin through tissue donation.

She passed away at 11:17 pm on June 19th just before Fathers Day.

We left and went back to the room we were numb because our life just ended. How would we cope with this? How would we live our life without you? How would we be able to get up? All these things rushing through my mind.. It was not real. We packed everything up, the letters, animals and pictures that people brought you, we decided to go home we had no reason to stay our baby was gone.

I walked out of your room and stared, sobbing knowing I would never come in here and see you, I then stared down the long hall that I walked so many times and knew I would never walk this hall again to touch you, to hold you, to talk to you.

We got in the car, as we drove away from the hospital I felt a harsh pain “REALITY” my body felt like jello all I could do is stare out the window and wonder WHY?

Daddy knew when he first found you that you were not going to go like that, he fought so so hard to keep you with us, we were not ready to tell you good-bye then.

Our days to follow would be numb trying to make sense of it all. From the beginning we knew we would be on a Mission for the rest of our lives to help others. This is what Brianna did, she was a healer and helped others when nobody else would, her smile would make your legs feel like jello, her eyes would pierce through you with joy.

We do not know why she did this and we never will, in my heart I believe she did not mean it, I do not think she knew the outcome would be forever, she thought she would just pass out and then she would wake up again. I know that at the end some kid said some very painful things to Brianna, we all knew she was strong but she had a the softest heart and that is what some people did not realize. I have heard since this that kids play the "choking game" they passout for a high, now I am not sure if this is what Brianna was doing, but I know she wanted to live, she was afraid to die, and only wanted to live life to the fullest. I remember when school got out she told me she was ready to move, she was ready to start new and leave all the drama and bullshit behind, we were just waiting for school to get out..
We had issues just like any parent, our children have such a hard time and we try our hardest to be there when they need us. We never thought our daughter would have so much pain that she would want to leave us.

We are reaching out to schools, parents, children and the media to get our story out and create awareness.
The B.R.I foundation will be for awareness of all of these awefull things that our kids are going through. We know there will be denial from parents, schools and our society, but guess what you better wake up! trust me you do not want to go through what we are.

Please help us on this journey we need your help, you may contact us at or call 303.305.9981